No secrets or half-truths here.

menwhodine:

#HushPuppies (Taken with Instagram at Ruthie’s BBQ & Pizza)

iswearinitalian:

This is the scene
Where a mother knows all hope is
Lost for her.

But all hope for humanity
Rests with those who she
And her child die for. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay. That’s my good girl.”

(via letmesayiloveyou)

I will carry you with me,
‘Til I see you again

fightevilandthengetblownup:

“Then don’t yell at me for making them!” She practically screams at the other woman, hardly able to see how Ellen could say that yet had tried to tell her how stupid a choice it was. In Jo’s mind the choice to protect her mother over the potential help from and safety of Anna was the only viable option, and yet every person had told her it wasn’t or that she had to feel bad about it or that she was only telling herself or playing that it was. There was no way she could have lived with any option where it was her fault that the older woman was hurt or worse, and being told again that she might not be able to cope with her decision hurt more than going through with the actual choice had at that moment.

“I’ll tell you what Joanna Beth, when your decisions only effect you, then I won’t yell at you for them but as long as your choices hurt someone on my behalf, then I think I’ve got some say. You aren’t the only one who now has to live with that course of action.” Ellen throws back the rest of the whiskey in the bottle before heading up stairs. “There’s the couch or the guest room. I’m going to bed.”

fightevilandthengetblownup:

She stops just as she’s getting to the hall, hearing everything Ellen has to say though it took a moment for most of it to sink in. Hanging her head for a moment, Jo lets out a sigh before turning back to the older woman with a forcefully blank look. “If I dwell on them. I’m not dwelling any more, Mom, and the decisions I make now I’m standing by them. I can’t afford to feel bad about selling out one person for the sake of another, it’s better one than both and I’m not going to dwell on that or feel bad about doing so.” Running her hand roughly though her hair a few times, she stares back at Ellen with a shrug of her shoulders. “Don’t.. don’t you get it? We don’t get to have real choices where no one gets hurt any more, we have to choose things and live with it and that’s exactly what I’m willing to do. I’m willing to pick the least worse situation out  of three fucked up, bad ones.”

“We’re hunters! Of course we don’t get choices! Do you think I had a choice when John brought your father back to me torn up and cold? You are not the first person to go through this and you won’t be the last! Sam and Dean didn’t get choices when their mother was killed, they didn’t get a choice when their father died, they’ve  both died, us…  You can either learn to live with things like this Jo or you can go hold up somewhere like Daniel Elkin and wait to die again because you can’t live with what life throws at you.” Ellen breathes out slowly as she rubs her eyes, she looks at Jo. “Make the choices that you can live with, not the ones you can tell yourself that you can live with.”

fightevilandthengetblownup:

“No, I mean like being put into a life where it would be better if you were actually dead.” Jo snaps back at the other woman, pushing herself to stand up almost in a fighting stance - shoulders back and chin up. “Maybe I do, Mom. This game is never going to end well for me, not this time around, not with this being brought on me by those damn angels and monsters in the first place. If I was never friends with Anna to begin with, none of this would have happened. If I wasn’t friends with Grey, that psychotic dickhead would never have known my name. If I didn’t do the right thing months ago, Crowley wouldn’t give two fuckin’ shits about me and about you. So maybe doing the right thing hasn’t worked out for me much lately and I’m trying something else.” She basically snarls the words out, making a very deliberate path towards the front door after she finishes thinking that if she hadn’t already said the wrong thing then it would just get worse the longer she was there.

“If, if, if. If John Winchester had never walked through the doors to the roadhouse. If Bill had never taken up hunting. If I had made him stop after you were born. If I had never let Sam and Dean into our lives. If I had not raised you around hunters and kept you from this life!” Ellen watches Jo heading to the door and she doesn’t know right now what she wants to do, hug her daughter or choke her. “Life is nothing but ifs, should haves, wished I had or hadn’t, could haves, would haves and all of those things will bury you if you dwell on them Jo.”

fightevilandthengetblownup:

She was half expecting Ellen to come back and give her a whack around the ears, turning in her seat to look back at the older woman as she basically laid into her. Jo shakes her head, twisting around to almost glare at the suggestion that she either work with Gray or that she’d been making enemies she didn’t already have. “Me and Gray were never not enemies! We’ve been at eachother’s throats a lot longer than Crowley has been at either of ours, and while I was still friends with Anna I got given two options - and I’ve seen the bad end of what happens if I don’t pick one. You won, Mom, you’re more important and I’d rather hurt someone else than have you getting hurt - especially when the worst I can do is barely a blip compared to what Crowley can do!”

“Worse, you mean like coming to threaten me with hellhounds and then saying that he’ll make me watch as they tear you apart? Again?” Ellen’s voice is rising as she narrows her eyes at Jo. “I’m flattered that you think I’m worth pissing off angels and monsters over but I’ve got a news flash to you. We, you and I have already been in the middle of this game before and it didn’t end well the last time and it sure as hell isn’t going to end well this round either if we aren’t careful.” Ellen pours herself another drink, her hand shaking she’s so mad right now. “You saw what it was like for the Winchesters when the other hunters isolated them, you really want to be like them that bad?”

fightevilandthengetblownup:

“In exchange for you not being harmed, I’d slip anti-psychotics to Anna.” It came out blunter than Jo meant, but her voice drops considerably lower when she speaks about the drugs. She was sort of proud that it didn’t crack or stumble, as she lifts her drink to her lips again, not meeting Ellen’s eyes at all. “They were the same ones that he used on her last year, and she has extreme reactions to them.”

Ellen walks past Jo, going into the study to Bobby’s desk where she opens a drawer to pull out a bottle of expensive whiskey and a single glass, pouring herself a health dose of it. Once she’s down the drink she slams the glass down, glaring up at Jo. “So  you traded my safety for hurting someone else? I don’t know what all happened between you and that angel but from everything I understood, you still at least called her a friend Jo.” Pouring another drink, Ellen swallows it one one gulp. “Your attempt to protect me, cost you people that could probably help you later because the way I see it, Crowley is the problem and instead of everyone working together to stop him, you helped to isolate yourself and you’ve made enemies that you didn’t need!”

fightevilandthengetblownup:

The confirmation that Crowley had mentioned something makes her shudder, setting her beer down in front of her and shifting uncomfortably. “What did he say to you? It probably is the same one, given I’ve only made one agreement with him at all. And as for kicking my ass about the monster, I’d much rather end up kicking his instead.”

“He told me enough but I would like to hear it from your mouth Jo, since I’m going to assume that you are still more truthful than a demon.” The panic room is starting to sound better and better to Ellen, a week of sitting there and looking at the walls might do Jo a world of good. If she has a monster after her it would protect her and it would give Jo plenty of time to think about her actions, namely not telling Ellen about the demon and making agreements with one.

fightevilandthengetblownup:

“I made an arrangement with a demon which he didn’t like. Mostly because it involved Anna.” Jo looks back at Ellen calmly, not quite sure what reaction she’d get to the actual truth. She shrugs a shoulder, taking another sip of her beer as she tries to push down any outward shows of guilt, even though talking about it with the older woman was just adding to her belief that she picked the right answer regardless of the way her stomach felt like it was in knots.

Ellen runs her hand over her face, pausing to rub the bridge of her nose feeling an instant headache building as she listens to Jo. “I don’t know if I should kick your ass for the demon or the monster first.” Breathing out slowly Ellen stares back down at Jo. “What was this arrangement you made because I’m going to assume that it’s the arrangement that Crowley mentioned to me.”